My Life

Wouldn't it make sense that after going through almost two years of my husband not working a full time job and now almost two years surviving on a full time income that's not enough for our needs so my husband has to work two other part time jobs, I would know better than to struggle with the thoughts of having enough money to pay bills each month...?

Some months I have a harder time than others. This is one of the harder months. I really have no idea why. Mostly I just really hate just getting by. I hate when my mind wonders how it's all going to work out and how we'll have enough for everything. And I hate how it has to be a struggle between my mind and my heart. My mind wants to tally up the numbers and try to figure out where the money will come from. How will it all fall into place and will we have enough? And then my stomach churns because I'm just not sure if there will be enough.

But in my heart, this is what I know:
*God has ALWAYS provided for our needs. He never changes. In April 2004 I had bills to pay. What I didn't have was the money to do it. I think we had about $200 in the bank and close to $1200 worth of bills for the beginning of the month. The girls and I went to visit my Mom and I knew that when I came home, I'd have to deal with how those bills were going to get paid. However, when I got home I found that several checks had unexpectedly come in the mail. We had what we needed and more to pay the bills for April!! God is no different now than He was then.

*He is always on time.

*God makes sure the sparrows have food. We are more precious to Him, so how much more will He care for our food needs!

*It is not God's heart for His children to be without shelter and basic needs. He will provide the means for us to pay for what we need and owe.

*It is not my job to try and figure out how it's going to happen or where the money is going to come from. He has called me to care for our home, my husband and my children. He has also called me to support and pray for my husband, whom He has called as the head of our home. Thru him, God will provide what we need and more! My responsibility as his wife is to pray and speak blessing over him. That is all I can do. When I do what I am called to do and when my husband does what he is called to do, then God can move and provide exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or imagine.

*I know that when my mind is in the fearful mode, my heart can't trust and have faith. God is honored with my trust and faith in Him.

Now that I have calmed myself down (again)....I will allow myself to trust Him and have faith that he will provide, just like always. God is unchanging. I am the one who is wavering between faith and fear. I will choose to live in faith and trust.